The Hope We Hold Onto
by thesparkliingunic0rn
Summary: "Let me guess, you're here to tell me once again that I should forgive you. Or maybe that I shouldn't work with my brother?" Lena scoffs when Kara lands into her penthouse. What could have eventually happened at the end of 5x13. OS Supercorp.


_Hi! This scene didn't want to leave my mind since last episode, so I had to write it. :)_

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"Let me guess, you're here to tell me once again that I should forgive you. Or maybe that I shouldn't work with my brother?" Lena scoffs when Kara lands into her penthouse.

Kara sighs, the speech that she's prepared into her mind on her way here feels suddenly very wrong, and she can't bear to say it. She swallows thickly.

"I didn't come here to fight, Lena. I'm not here to apologize either. I know that nothing I could say could change what I did." She breathes out.

Lena stays silent, waiting for Kara to keep speaking. She crosses her arms over chest, as if she's trying to shield herself from whatever Kara is about to say.

"I know that hiding my identity from you has been a huge mistake. Probably the worst mistake I've ever made. I'm gonna have to live with it for the rest of my life. That's something I came to accept." She pauses, taking the time to chase the tears that threaten to show themselves. She knows the last thing Lena needs is to see her crumbling. "But, with that said, I'm not gonna keep blaming myself for what I did either. Because, I've seen what could've happened if had I told you sooner."

Lena furrows her brow, not understanding what Kara's saying.

Understanding Lena's silent question, Kara exhales before explaining herself. "It's a long story. But let's just say that someone's offered me the possibility to go back in the past and telling you the truth in my own terms. Which I did, multiple times actually. And believe it or not, but every time something went terribly wrong, and the world was even worse than the one we're living in right now. That's why I don't regret what happened. I only regret hurting you. Anyway, it didn't work out as I would've wanted. So, I chose to stick with this crappy reality in which you don't want anything to do with me anymore, and I live every day feeling as if a part of my heart were missing."

Refusing to linger on the emotions Kara's words provoke within her, Lena can't help but asking, "How many times did you try to make it right?"

"Four times." Kara replies, a sigh escaping her. "At the end, I chose not to go through with this, not only because I didn't want to put the entire world in danger again, but also because... If you do forgive me one day, Lena, I want it to happen because that's what you want in your heart. Not because I forced it to happen. That wouldn't be real. That would feel like betraying you again, and I don't want to do that again. I've messed up enough on that front. Plus, if by some kind of miracle, there's still hope for us again... I want you to accept me fully, with my past and my mistakes."

Lena swallows thickly. The way Kara's looking at her and the things she says are too much for her to handle. She feels overwhelmed. She wants to forgive Kara, she truly does. But that just feels so much easier to keep being angry with her than to risk getting her heart broken again.

"Why are you really here, Kara?"

Kara feels a flicker of hope settling into her because Lena has called her Kara, and not Supergirl as she's been doing since that day in the fortress of solitude. Also because she's looking at her with something else that a deep anger and disappointment.

"Because... I don't know what you and Lex are planning, but I wanted to you know that no matter what's happening between us... I will do everything in my power to save you. No matter how much you hate me right now, and maybe forever, I will never stop fighting for you, just like I will never stop believing in you."

They stare at each other for what feels to be the longest minute of their lives. As if they weren't sure what to say or do next.

Kara swallows the lump in her throat and does her best to keep her tears at bay. She gives Lena a look that she hopes can make her understand how much she means to her. She spins on her heels, about to leap in the air and flying back home.

"I don't hate you." Lena says, her voice coming out raspier than she would have wanted.

Kara stops in her track. She turns back to face Lena. Her green eyes are glistening with unshed tears. She hates that she's hurting Lena again. She wants to comfort her and wrapping her arms around her. But she's not sure Lena even wants her comfort.

"I don't hate you." Lena repeats, running a hand through her hair as she strides in the room before slumping on the couch. "No matter how much I wish I could hate you. No matter how much I know that it would make things easier... I just can't hate you. I hate that I can't hate you."

Kara steps closer to Lena. She wants to sit beside her. But once again, she doesn't want to do something Lena doesn't want her to do. And she's kind of afraid of the shivers that would inevitably run through every inch of her skin at Lena's close proximity.

"I want to forgive you, Kara. I truly do. But my stupid cold heart doesn't allow me to." Lena says, her voice breaking at the end of her sentence.

"Your heart isn't cold and stupid. You are..." Kara begins until she remembers something Lena told her in the fortress of solitude. _No, you don't ever get to tell me who or what I am again._ She shakes slightly her head. The memory of this day is probably one of the most painful of her life. And with all the shits she's already gone through, that's saying something. "I mean, don't be so hard on yourself." she says instead.

"I'm sorry I struggle to get past this." Lena sighs.

"I've always known it wouldn't be easy. I think that's why I held back telling you the truth."

"Because you were scared to lose me."

Kara nods. She swallows thickly. "But I lost you anyway."

Lena smiles sadly. "Maybe not. We're still here."

Kara furrows her brow. "What?"

Lena pats a spot beside her on the couch. "Come here."

With another flicker of hope swirling into her, Kara does as she's been told and sits beside Lena, being careful not to come in physical contact with her. After all this time apart, she's pretty sure that a slight brush of her skin against Lena's could make her cry. She missed her so much, and for the first time in weeks, she feels that she can breathe properly.

"Do you wanna know what hurts me the most?" Lena asks.

Kara nods her head up and down.

Lena breathes out. "You made me feel that our friendship wasn't as important to you as it was to me. That's what hurts me the most. You were the most important person of my life and..."

Kara feels the lump in her throat coming back at the fact that Lena said _you were_ instead of _you are_.

As if she's sensed her pain, Lena puts softly her hand on Kara's knee, sending a mix of shivers and warmth running through both of them. "You still are the most important person of my life, Kara. Despite everything."

Kara can't help a tear to spill out from her eye. She wipes it as quickly as it has fallen. "So why are you pushing me away?" she quavers.

Lena chases away her own tears. "Because, that feels easier than letting you in. That feels safer for both of us. I'm terrified of getting my heart broken again."

Kara puts her hand over Lena's. "I promise you that I will never hurt you again. And to get back to what you said earlier... I've always valued our friendship. You are as important to me as I am to you." _Maybe even more,_ says her inner voice. "If I hid the truth from you, that was related to my issues. It never had anything to do with you. You never did anything wrong."

Lena swallows thickly as tears brim into her eyes. "I'm terrified of putting you in danger."

Kara furrows her brow. "What do you mean?"

Lena sighs. "With Lex near me right now... I can't have you in my life, that'll be too dangerous for you. I don't want to take the risk that he could use me to get through you."

"I can take care of myself."

Lena smiles slightly. "I know you can. But you have enough things going on. I don't want to add another threat on you."

"Why are you working with him if you don't trust him?"

"I'm not working with him. I never did, and I never will."

Kara's eyes widen. "What are you doing then?"

"I'm trying to find a way a get the world back as normal as possible. I want him to get back to the place he's meant to have, and for the world to see him as he truly is."

"I don't think that's possible."

"I think it is. But I need more time to work on that. In the meantime, I need him to think I'm on his side. I need him to think that I hate you."

Kara's heart clenches in her chest as a sinking feeling that she's not going to like the next sentence Lena is about to say settles within her.

"That's why we have to keep our distance for now." Lena sighs with her eyes glistening even more than before.

"Lena," Kara whispers, feeling herself about to break in tears.

Lena brings her free hand to Kara's cheek. "Everything will be all right."

"I don't want to lose you again." Kara says shakily.

"You won't lose me, darling." Lena smiles, caressing slowly Kara's cheek and sweeping away some of her tears at the same time. "I promise you. This special bond that unites us, it will always be there. It's what keep us going. That will make us win."

"Lena," Kara starts, wanting to be completely honest about her feelings. "What I said about our friendship earlier... That wasn't really the truth. I mean, you are my best friend, but... You have always been more than that." She breathes out.

Lena gives her a beaming smile. She sucks a breath and leans in to Kara, pressing their lips in a long and soft kiss that expresses everything.

It's the kind of kiss that makes any word useless.

Kara snakes an arm around Lena, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss in the most mind-blowing way.

It's a kiss that tastes of hope.

A hope that ignites further within both of them as they part slightly to stare at each other with their glossy eyes.

They share a smile as they shift closer to each other to tangle themselves in an embrace that feels like coming home.

They both know that the months to come are going to be hard and painful.

But they also know that they will always have each other.

That they will always find their way back to each other.

No matter what.


End file.
